A Willow Model
by Rudbeckia
Summary: You can never learn to stop loving someone, you just learn to live without them. A person who truly loves you will never let you go or give up on you no matter how hard the situation is and sometimes we have to fight for who we love and care about, but sometimes we have to find the strength to let them go.
1. Chaper 1

A loud clap of thunder forces me awake. I am left confused by the sudden awaking, unable to determine where I am, but I very quickly return to my senses. I am in the same room and the same bed I fell asleep in last night. My eyes drift across the room and find the window that is next to my bed. Outside the window, rain falls heavily and splashes the ground hard. The dark clouds in the sky make it difficult to tell what time it is, but I assume it's late because when I stretch my arm out to the side, all I feel is cold sheets. Usually when I wake up my older brother Pepper is lying beside me, but I guess not today.

I keep my eyes fixed on the world outside and turn my body so I can look at the rain more closely. It's calming. The soothing sound and the mute colors, they make me want to close my eyes and rest for hours more, but unfortunately I've already slept later than I should have, so I pull the blankets off of my body and stand up. My legs are barely able to support my weight after my long sleep, so I keep still and let them get used to carrying my upper body. After a few seconds they seem to be ready for movement so I walk over to the window. The cold air in the room swarms my body, painting goose bumps on my arms as it flies by. Being close to the window - the source of the frigid air- doesn't help much, but I ignore the bitter coldness and stare out the window anyways. Besides it reminds me of my parents. They used to take us on walks through the district every day, even if it was cold and rainy. They would show us what it looked like outside of the seam, and point out the beauty in our district. Even if something appeared to be putrid, my parents would always show us the magnificence in it. That's what I miss most about my mother and father. The knowledge they shared with my brothers and I. Now the only place I can find knowledge is inside an old book, which I don't prefer.

My parents disappeared six years ago. I was only four so it was very hard for me to comprehend. All I remember is them telling us they were going on a walk by themselves, and then they never came back. It spread quickly throughout our district, but I don't think anyone but my brothers and I really cared. "Where's Mommy?" seven year old Pepper asked a million times that night. A shiver goes up my spine as I vaguely remember the gloomy evening. My parents seemed so happy that day, like nothing bad could ever happen to them. Sometimes I wonder if they ran away from district twelve, maybe to get away from the hunger, or even their own children, but I dismiss the thought. They wouldn't risk their lives like that, or leave us alone. They wouldn't leave Roan by himself, only twelve to raise us by choice, would they? I shake my head to throw the thoughts out and turn away from the window. Whenever my parents enter my thoughts i am always overwhelmed with "What if's" that lead to a false sense of hope, that's why i prefer to keep them as far from me as possible.

I cross over to my dresser and pull out some fresh clothes. A dark screen shirt and a pair of black pants. I peel the old clothes off of my body and slide the new ones on. I feel fresher than I did a few seconds ago, and more comfortable. My hair is still a mess though. I reach for a comb that sits on top of my dresser and brush my hair until the majority of the knots are out, then I part it to the side and tuck it behind my ears. My mother used to wear her light blonde hair this way. I walk over to the mirror that hangs on the back of my door and look over myself. I have orange blonde hair and blue eyes, blue eyes that are often mistaken for green. My skin is pale and dotted with freckles here and there. I'm not beautiful, I could never be beautiful, no matter how much I try, I won't be. My eyes are too small, and my face too round, but I don't mind really. Beauty isn't my first priority, not my second or my third either. I've never really thought about attempting to make myself beautiful and I have no intentions to.

I reach out and pull my bedroom door open, standing motionless in the doorway for a moment. My parent's old bedroom is steps away from me. Roan, my oldest brother sleeps there now. I think it brings him closer to my mother and father. It hit him harder than Pepper and I when they went missing. I think because he knew them better than we did. To my right is the rickety stair case that leads to the kitchen and to my left is another window. I take the first step and then hop down the stairs. When I reach the bottom I expect to see Roan and Pepper waiting for me at the table, or in the rocking chairs in the family room, but the house is empty. "Guys?" I call. All I hear is an eerie echo fill the house. Did they leave me too? Just like my mother and father? Then I come to the realization that Roan has already been long gone. He works at the mines and has to get up early. Then the pieces come together. Pepper is at school. I'm late for school. I am flushed with sudden anger. Why didn't he wake me? I have to walk my neighbor Willow to school every day. Did he walk her today? Or is she still at home sleeping without a thought in the world? I sprint over to our front door and slip on my old boots. I'm in too much of a rush to grab a coat or a hat before I run out into the cold rain. My feet splash in muddy puddles as I climb up the hill in front of my house. Sometimes I love having the hill there- it gives us privacy from all the other houses in the district- but on days like today, I utterly despise this hill.

I slip a few times and the knees on my pants become ridden with mud, but once I'm at the top of the hill, I'm able to run full speed to Willow's house. I push open her door and call to her. I get the same response I did at my home, an echo. Her parents are off working; they should be by now anyway. I'm assuming its maybe ten O' clock, and usually district twelve's residents start their work day at around eight, so they are long gone. I rush up the stairs into Willow's room to find her sound asleep. "Willow get up!" I yell. I shake her until her dark green eyes find mine. She is surprised at first but then realizes it's only me. "Pepper never woke me up and we are late for school, come on." My anger at Pepper has only grown bigger as this morning progresses on. I go down stairs into Willow's kitchen to wait for her to dress. She shouldn't be long. I always tell her to pick out her clothes the night before school so that she doesn't have to worry about it in the mornings, as I am frequently late, but never this late.

I look down at my pants. Mud covers both my knees and the bottoms of my calves. I try to brush it off with my hands but that only makes it worse, so I decide to leave the mud there. After a few short minutes I hear Willow's small feet bounce down the stairs. Her dark brown hair has been twisted into a bun, and I can see a small bit of makeup on her cheeks. "Where'd you get that?" I ask touching her face slightly. "My mom had it in her room. I just thought I would try it." She says pushing my hand away. "Well you don't need it, you're already beautiful enough." I'm not lying. Willow is a very pretty young girl. She'll have no trouble finding a husband when she's older. "Ready?" she says walking towards the door. I grab a large coat that hangs on the back of her kitchen chair and wrap it around her once I've gotten behind her. She slips her arms in the sleeves and opens the front door. I smile as she struggles to maneuver in the big coat. Willow is like a twig. Everything is too big for her, not just the coat. Shes not thin because of the lack of wealth her parents have though -if they can afford luxuries like makeup they can afford daily meals- she is thin because that's just the way she is built. Me on the other hand, I am thin due to the lack of wealth my family has.

The cold wind hits us hard as we step outside, and the rain quickly follows it. I jog up beside her so that we can talk. "Did you sleep well?" I ask speaking up some so that she can hear me over the rain. She doesn't speak, only nods. "That's good." We stay silent the rest of the walk. The only thing on her mind is the reaping tomorrow. I can tell by her petrified expression, and I don't blame her. It's hard to stay calm when there is a possibility that your life will be over shortly. I don't acknowledge the reaping for her sake. Even though i understand the terrible horrors she must be conjuring up in her mind, I doubt she will even get picked. I doubt either of us will get picked. Pepper, Roan, Willow and I all vowed never to put our names in for tesserae, no matter how hungry we are, and there are some kids that put their names in loads of times, so I think we are safe. The only thing I am worried about is the Quarter Quell aspect of tomorrows reaping. The Quarter Quell is a more interesting version of the hunger games, and it will always celebrated every twenty five years (or so our teachers tell us) so this will be the first Quarter Quell. Since the reaping for the Quell is always "special," something I'm not prepared for could happen. Like the reaping of only a certain age, or the reaping of two girls and two boys, which would double our chances of being picked. I can only hope for the best though.

Once we reach the school, all the kids and teachers are already in classrooms. I grab Willow's soggy hand and we walk down the hallway that holds her classroom. I kneel down in front of her so that we are face to face. "When you get in there, just tell them your mother was ill okay?" She nods and skips off to her class. I stay in the hall to make sure she gets inside fine and then turn around to head towards my classroom, but blocking my way is Aurora Greener. She is the head principal at our school. Her presence scares me and I jump back. I know she saw me and Willow arrive late to the school, and me telling Willow to lie about it. There will be consequences for my actions no doubt. She doesn't talk until after a few moments of staring me down. "I'm beginning to think you are a bad influence on that young girl Miss Rudbeckia," she says in a condescending tone. I know exactly what she means. Last week she saw me bring Willow into the hob (it was only the fourth time I'd been there, and our food supply was running short), and now she sees me encouraging her to lie. "Rud," is all I can say to her. I have no defense for what I just did, so all I do is correct my name. Pathetic. "I don't care what you want to be called, all i care about is how well you can get your act together and start becoming a better role model for that girl, because from the looks of it you are doing a terrible job" she hisses. All I can think about is the word "role model". I refuse to believe what she says at the moment and simply nod my head, i am a perfect role model. Aurora walks away from me, probably back into her office. I take my time walking to my class so that I can finally run what she said through my mind, "all I care about is how well you can get your act together and start becoming a better role model for that girl." Am I really a bad role model for Willow? I can't possibly be. Can I?

The rest of the day that question pops into my head several times. I keep forcing it out but it keeps forcing itself back in. Maybe I do need to start thinking about the effect I have on Willow. But then again, what bad can happen if she ends up like me? I'm not a bad student; I almost always do as I'm told unless my better judgment says otherwise. That's another thing; I'm good at thinking things through, what's so bad if she ends up like that?

Once school dismisses I find Pepper outside of the building while waiting for Willow. He begins walking home, his orange hair being blown behind him by the wind. I run towards him and cut right in front of his path, "why didn't you wake me Pepper?" I say lightly pushing him. I'm mad at him but I would never hurt him, so I don't push so hard. "I thought you were sick," he says backing away from me. Okay I guess he has a good point. I didn't get up early like I normally do, so that leaves him with the assumption I'm not feeling well. Makes sense. But it still doesn't make sense that he had intentions to let Willow stay home too. "What about Willow?" I growl. He raises his hands defensively "I thought she could use a day off for once." I want to tell him that because he failed to tell me these things, I got in trouble with the principal. I completely agree that Willow should be allowed to stay home just one day and sleep in (to think about her first reaping) and I would have stayed home with her, if I had known, but I don't tell him this. It would only worry Pepper. Roan and him are very over protective of me and wouldn't want for me to be in trouble or the slightest bit unhappy(mostly Pepper, Roan wouldn't bat an eye if i die tonight, one less mouth to feed). "Look I'm sorry," he says. I can hear the compassion in his voice. I calm down a little and change the tone of my voice too. "Its fine, but next time just tell me." He nods.

Once Willow comes out of the school building we walk home in silence. Thankfully the rain stopped shortly after Willow and I arrived at school, so we have a nice dry walk home. Willow decides to spend the night at our house and attend the ceremony with us tomorrow afternoon. Her parents won't mind at all. They don't really pay much attention to Willow. Actually the reason I befriended young Willow was because her parents ignored her. I remember when we first met it was winter and she was walking to school alone without a coat. I let her borrow mine and we only grew from there. In a way her parent's awful ways were a blessing to both of us. Roan is sitting in front of the television in the family room when we walk through the door. His dark blonde hair is plastered to his forehead from sweat and he is covered in coal dust. He turns to look at us all "Hey," he says with a sullen smile. We gather around the television behind Roan, waiting to see what's in store for the first Quell. We stand unmoving for about a half an hour until finally The capital seal quickly flashes onto the screen and the anthem plays in the background. Then President Snow is shown standing at his mansion in front of a huge crowd of people. First he talks about the history of Panem. The uprising, the rebels defeat, the treaty of the treason. Then he gets down to business, "We honor the first Quarter Quell on the twenty-fifth anniversary of The Hunger Games, and as a reminder of the capitals generosity, all males in the twelve districts are exempt from this year's reaping." The screen goes black, not because the ceremony is over, but because Roan turns it off. There is nothing else interesting to watch anyways, just boring talk shows about the first Quell and the exciting theme.

I look at Pepper, "Looks like you're free. No more reapings for you," I say with as much enthusiasm as I can bare. Because Pepper is now eighteen, he will work in the mines with Roan. Willow and I however are not safe from the reaping; our chances of being picked have actually doubled. I'm still not very worried. There are thousands of other slips, thousands. My calmness hasn't rubbed off on Willow though, she looks at the screen petrified. She isn't stupid; she knows that she is more likely to die with only girls being reaped now, so I don't reassure her of anything. Is that what a good role model would do? Be calm and not comfort her? This thought leaves as quickly as it entered. I am selfish. Willow is scared to death and all i can think about is how well a role model i am.

My stomach probably can't take any food, and I'm sure Willow feels the same way, so I just suggest some sleep. "Okay, well we should probably get to bed then. Big day tomorrow right?" I head up the old wooden stairs that lead to our rooms; Pepper, Willow and Roan are all behind me. Roan doesn't follow us into our room; he slips into my parent's old room without another word. Is he worried for me? Or maybe for Willow? He shouldn't be, I am absolutely positive that our names will not get picked. I climb on to my bed, and Willow falls in behind me. Pepper sleeps in Roan's old bed tonight so that Willow can lay with me. The room is completely dark after about twenty minutes. I hear Willow's soft breaths next to me; they are almost perfectly synchronized with Pepper's. The quiet sound helps me drift off into a deep sleep, and before I know it I am very distant from the rest of the world.

**Please favorite for the next update, and tell me what you want to see next! I love taking story line suggestions! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

As soon as I wake up I step out of bed. The ceremony doesn't start until two in the afternoon, and there is no need to be up this early, so I let Pepper and Willow sleep. Just in case Willow wakes up early, I pick out the smallest reaping dress I have (although I don't have many) and lay it on the bottom of my bed. It's light yellow and has white lace around the sleeves; it will look pretty with her long brown hair.

Before changing out of yesterday's clothes, I go downstairs into the kitchen and begin boiling a pot of water for my bath. I haven't washed in a couple days, and the reaping is a perfect excuse to do so. Once the pot is properly set and starting to heat, I step outside onto our front porch. The weather has significantly changed. There isn't a cloud in the sky, and the air is warm enough for short sleeves, but not warm enough to sweat in the heat, what many people would call a perfect day, which makes it all the more perfect for the reaping. I locate the wooden tub that sits next to the front door and drag it inside the house. It leaves a small trail of mud behind it that I decide can wait until after the reaping.

I place the tub in the small study next to the living room. In a house with two brothers, I am thankful for this study, just because it gives me privacy. Pepper and Roan could care less about _their _privacy though. I'm not sure but I think it's a trait all boys carry.

I grab the warm pot out of our kitchen and carry it into the study. Goose bumps fill my arms when a small bit of the water splashes my wrists on its way into the tub. I quickly undress myself and slip into the hot liquid. There isn't much water in it, but enough to warm my entire body. I keep still for a few minutes so that I can get used to the water. It's soothing. Probably the most relaxing thing that could come of a day like today. Finally I begin to scrub the dirt off of my body and rinse my hair until I am almost perfectly clean.

When I'm done washing, I sit in the water for a moment and shut my eyes. I wonder if people in the capital do this for relaxation. Sit in a warm tub and take a nap. Their tubs are probably much bigger though, and filled with lovely scents and oils. It sounds amazing, but I don't long for the life they have. Capital citizens never have to work a day in their lives. They don't know what its like to be starving or in need and they take that for granted. This enrages me to think about though, so I shove it out of my thoughts.

I make myself rise from the water (which is no longer warm) and ring my hair out. When I step out of the tub, cold air wraps itself around my naked body, making me want to leap back into the slightly warmer water. I pull my old clothes back over myself and carry the tub and its contents out onto the porch. There, I pour the water into the grass. It forms a puddle and then is slowly absorbed into the ground which is still damp from yesterday's rain. I pick up the tub and take it back inside. Roan sits at the kitchen table looking at his thumbs. "Morning," I say setting the tub down in the kitchen. He looks at me and forces a smile, "do you want me to make breakfast?" he asks standing up. I nod. Breakfast sounds nice, but there isn't much to cook here. "If you really want to, we probably have spices we rarely use that can be traded or sold, they're in the cabinets," I take a few steps towards the wooden stair case. "I'm going to go get dressed," I say hopping up the steps two at a time. I can feel Roan's eyes on me, but once I'm out of sight, I hear him searching through the cupboards.

Pepper and Willow are still sleeping. I stay quiet so I don't wake them as I dig through my dresser. In the top drawer, underneath all of my everyday clothes, is my reaping dress. It's a muted pink number with a white ribbon in the back. I don't like it, but it was my mothers, or at least that's what Roan tells me. I look back to make sure Pepper is still sleeping and then quickly undress and slide the reaping outfit on. The dress fits me a little loosely, but it will have to do, it's the only one I have, aside from the small one I am letting Willow barrow.

I stand in front of the mirror and brush my hair out with my fingers. Today I decide to pin my long bangs back, which surprisingly makes my eyes really stand out. My bare feet slide themsleves into the same boots I always wear and start back down into the kitchen. Even though the reaping is still a little while away, I am completely ready.

Roan is already gone when I reach the bottom of the stairs. I guess he decided to consider what I said sell some of our spices. Fine by me, nobody in this house would know how to use them anyway, or at least not the way my mother used to.

My mother would turn the simplest dishes into magnificent creations. Some looked like meals you would find in the capital. We didn't have much food, but what we did, she made marvelous. My mouth waters when thinking about the oatmeal she made once when we were younger. She added the perfect about of cinnamon and sugar and nuts. It was delicious.

I check the cupboards out of curiosity to see what all Roan took, and by the looks of it, he took a lot. Maybe he is planning to get some food for the feast tonight. Usually after the reapings, every family has a feast. Well almost every family. Two families however stay in their houses and mourn over their children's awful luck. We could be one of those families, but I highly doubt it.

After twenty minutes of sitting at the kitchen table, staring at the pattern in the wood, I hear feet pitter patter down the stairs. Willow is already dressed in the outfit I let her barrow and ready for the reaping. Her hair stills hangs loosely around her face. Once Willow reaches me, she hands me some pins and ties for her hair. I take them and set them on the table.

"How would you like it?" I say running my fingers through her brown locks. She pauses to consider her choice and then finally answers, "I want it braided and then wrapped in a bun." I turn her around and begin sectioning off pieces of her hair. My fingers delicately fashion two French braids down each side of her head and then tie them off. I carefully wrap each of the braids into a beautiful knot on the bottom of her hairline. "There you go," I say pinning any stray hairs into place, "now you're ready to go."

I go to wake Pepper up when Roan gets back with two loafs of bread. We divide one of the loaves among us and leave the other loaf for this evening. The bread is still warm from the bakery and melts on my tongue. We haven't had real bakery bread in a long time, so my mouth is only somewhat familiar with the taste.

We all sit at the table and exchange small talk until it's time to head to the square. I stay calm, but Willow's eyes are full of fear. During our walk to the ceremony, I take Willow's hand, as to assure her that everything is and will be okay. We meet her parents along the way and we all walk together. Willow and I walk farther behind the group. From this angle I can identify everyone's reaping outfits. Roan is wearing a light blue shirt and tan pants, Pepper is wearing the same outfit but with a yellow shirt that matches Willow's dress. Mrs. Curtis (Willow's mother) is wearing a grey dress that makes her look very plane. Willow's father is wearing grey pants and a mute orange shirt. We aren't as stylish as the capital people, but this is the closest we will ever come.

When we reach the square men with cameras are mounted almost everywhere. The justice building looks cleaner, but still very old and dirty like it always is. When we sign in, we are escorted to the other girls who are sectioned off by age. The boys are not put in sections this year, so they stand amongst the older people of district twelve.

The mayor begins the ceremony talking about the power of the capital and the rebellion and the history of the games. Nothing I haven't heard a million times before. During his speech my eyes drift over to the two bowls that are standing on either side of the stage. My name isn't in there very many times, and neither is Willow's. It is impossible that our escorts hand could fall on either of our names; this thought is the one that keeps me calm during this whole thing.

Finally Maury Lux (our districts escort) bounces up to the microphone. Her long blue wig flows behind her as she comes. She begins to ramble on about the excitement this year's games will hold and how we are so lucky to be alive during such a magnificent time. I would listen, but I am preoccupied by the small amount of butterflies that is beginning to form inside of my stomach.

"I would say ladies first, but, well you know," now my attention is on Maury, who perfectly carries herself to the first bowl. She grabs the name that sits on the very top and takes it back to the microphone where she opens it. The butterflies leave me and are replaced by a cloak of fear when she pronounces the name "Rudbeckia Gere," my name.

I don't hesitate to head towards the stage. I don't want Willow to see that I am frightened, that's what a good role model would do. I shake my head, why do I care what good role models do? I am a great role model. I feel peace keeper's hands on the blades of my shoulders pushing me onto the stage. When I'm there Maury rushes me to the microphone. "What's your name?" she asks with her bubbly capital accent. I answer her question even though it is completely ridiculous. Didn't she already learn my name when she called me to my death?

Maury asks me a few other questions that I forget as soon as I answer them. The fear is beginning to overpower me by the time she finishes. I think she noticed to, and that's why she stopped talking to me. Maury's feet dance in her heels as she crosses over to the next bowl. If my name was called out of thousands, I am beginning to worry that Willow's could be too. Maury digs through the bowl and pulls the slip from the very bottom. She carries it over to the microphone and reads the name, "Willow Curtis."

An awful scream like sound escapes my throat. It's all I can do to keep my feet from giving out. I can't conquer the tears this time, and they begin to pour down my face. I can feel the entire audience's eyes on me as I cry. Willow comes onto the stage without a tear in her eye. She must be so petrified that she is unable to comprehend what is happening. All I can do is stand helplessly as she answers Maury's questions in a sullen tone. I cannot volunteer for her, now it's either I die, Willow dies or we both die. Our escort, too excitedly motions for us to shake hands. In the brief second we stand face to face the tears begin to fall harder down my cheeks harder as I tell Willow "I am so sorry."


End file.
